The Love Dare - Days 8 & 9

As you may have noticed, the energy seems to be dwindling, not just for my hubby and I but even for the group as a whole. Last week, there was a lot of enthusiasm towards the whole dare; couples gladly shared their daily experiences, etc. This week, everyone is silent.

Personally, on Day 8, I realized the devil was really fighting me tooth and nail this week. The relationship with my hubby, my baby and my baby’s caregiver has been good, so definitely, the devil didn’t see ways of disorganizing that. Then he decides to attack me through one of my juniors at work, a girl that I directly supervise at work. Upto now, I do not understand what exactly entered this girl. She had the worst kind of emotional outbursts, and asking me, on top of many other things, if I wanted her to tell me all her daily programs and movements, including going to the toilet? Yes! As her supervisor – at the closest level to her, as long as she is on company time, any movements out of duty or on duty that consume more than 20 minutes of company time…..I MUST be informed, and that is not negotiable!

Now, where were we? Devil, just so you know,….and let me get this clear with you: My joy does not come from my Husband, my child, my family, my job, or any of those things you are busy attacking…..MY JOY COMES FROM THE LORD JESUS CHRIST! And if you remember very well, This, My LORD JESUS CRHSIT conquered you 2016 years ago at a battle you engaged in at Calvary. Remember that?

Because of that Mighty Victory, I want to assure you that YOU WILL NOT HAVE MY HUSBAND, NOR MY CHILD, NOR ANYTHING AT ALL THAT HAS MY NAME ATTACHED TO IT! AND MOST DEFINITELY, NOT ME!!!!! So, GO BACK TO HELL WHERE YOU BELONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope that this is extremely clear to you! If you, like, I can repeat it over and over, coz I know every single time I write it, you cringe with pain. Should I repeat? Coward!!!!!!!

Back to the Love Dare….Day 8 was: Love is not jealous.

Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire. Song of Solomon 8:6

The day’s dare involved me determining to become my hubby’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help me set my heart on my hubby and focus on his achievements, I was supposed to take the list of negative attributes that I had developed on day 7 and discretely burn it, then share with my hubby how glad I am about a success he recently enjoyed.

To be sincere, I haven’t done any of it yet. I must do it all tonight, including today’s dare.

Its on this day that I had that encounter with the girl at my workplace which stressed me so much that my hubby had to rush back home and take me for aerobics to clear my mind. This really helped. I was able to sweat it out and clear my mind. We enjoyed a very lovely walk back home at around 9.00pm. The moon was bright. It was lovely. We found a woman whose car had fallen in a ditch on our way back, and was stuck. I asked my hubby to help coz I knew that definitely, if anyone could, my hubby was that person. True to my belief, he helped and soon the woman was on her way. We continued with our walk home, holding hands, with my hubby’s basket ball on the other. Lovely memories!

Day 9: Love makes good impressions

Greet one another with a kiss of love. 1 Peter 5:14

I was to think of a specific way I’d like to greet my hubby today, and to do it with a smile and with enthusiasm, then determine to change my greeting to reflect my love for them.

I had planned to jump and hug my hubby as soon as he entered the house, though I wasn’t sure if this enthusiasm would be sustainable…hihi!

Anyways, bottomline, I opened up a whatsapp message with the new list of government ministers to be sworn in, and funny but the first words I said to my husband were, “ Prof Baryamureeba is the new minister for Info Tech and Communications!” and his response; ”Eh! Strategist!” Remember, this same prof was a presidential candidate during the last elections.

Anyways, when I reminded him of the day’s dare, he decided he wanted to carry me up into the bedroom. I weight 85kgs at the moment, 5 kgs heavier than my hubby. I asked him if he would be able to do this every day, and he laughed and changed his mind. So, in the end, we kissed like 3 times. That’s the story of our yesterday.

Today, Day 10, I woke up in a not so happy mood, but I have determined to stay joyful at all times. No one steals my joy and lives to tell the sstory! Even the devil is banished into hell where he belongs. He will not be stealing my joy again.

Ciao!

The Love Dare - Day 7

Day 7: Love believes the best

(Love) believes all things, hopes all things. 1 Corinthians 13:7

The day's dare involved me getting two sheets of papers and spending a few minutes to write down positive things about my hubby on one sheet and negative things on the other sheet.

This was also the day that all the couples were to meet and assess the previous week.
Almost all couples testified of the fact that the last week was special. "We have never spent a whole week without a fight with my spouse!" This was a general comment from all couples. People witnessed their spouses doing wonderful things they had never expected to be done for them. It was a good week.

Personally, my hubby and I realized, like I shared in my earlier posts, that the things we are doing for each other are not necessarily new. In fact, there's nothing new that we have done for each other. We have done most of these things for each other in the past. However, being asked to do it intentionally made it stand out. We realized that in a marriage, its very easy to take life, love and each other for granted. The Love Dare dares us to actually purpose to love our spouses "intentionally" and not wait for activities like these to remind us to love our spouses.
We shared this with our team mates, and it was a consensus agreement.

Other things came out of yesterday's discussions like the kind of friends we maintain/ listen to for our marriage advise.

"Not everyone has the material to be a good friend... In fact, anyone who undermines your marriage does not deserve to be given the title of 'friend'"

"You must guard yourself against the wrong influencers. Everyone has an opinion and some people will encourage you to act selfishly and leave your mate in order to pursue your own happiness. Be careful about listening to advice from people who don't have a good marriage themselves."

 

In Other news, there is this couple who have been married for close to 30 years and have NEVER KISSED!!!! Like how????? One wants and longs so much for a kiss, while the other says; "Every time I want to kiss him, I remember the beans we had for supper and I want to throw up!"

 

We also have people who generally claim that kissing isn't in their cultures. How do they start?

 

See how culture and personalities can affect our marriages.

In the traditional African culture, we don't kiss. We only make babies, and hold each other. Now, with the invasion of the western culture, more and more people go into marriage definitely expecting kisses, and the common PDA (public display of affection)! This is new. Some of us have adjusted, while the rest will take ages.

We are all hoping though that the couple finally kisses before the 40 days elapse. Watch this space!

The Love Dare - Days 5 & 6

So, day 5 and 6 haven’t really been that eventful especially in relation to the Love Dare.

Day 5: Love is not rude.

He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him. Proverbs 27:14

The day’s dare involved me asking my hubby to tell me three things that caused him to be uncomfortable or irritated with me.

Well, we both shared what made us uncomfortable with each other, and none of it seemed new to us. For example, my husband is uncomfortable with my strong headed nature. I agree that it’s not easy to lead a strong headed woman, and I have since, our wedding, been trying so hard to be easier, even though I feel that if I become so soft and easy, my husband might get bored with me. I’m sure that there’s a bit of that strong-headedness that he fell for. Just hopes!

Anyways, something about yesterday made me realize that some lessons are actually sticking. First, i caught myself almost getting irritated by something really minor, and yeah, am proud to say, I led my heart off that line of thought! Yeeiiiii!!! And then, I also witnessed my husband being patient with me. I was so scared of him losing patience with me at some point, but thankfully, he was like; “No, hani; I am not mad at you. I love you.” He will never know how much his reassurance meant to me, and for me to realize that he was actually taking the ‘patience’ lesson seriously. Thank you Jesus!

Day 6: Love is not irritable.

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. Proverbs 16:32

The day’s dare involved choosing to react to tough circumstances in my marriage in a loving way instead of with irritation.

So, today, we went to watch my husband’s basket ball team play and to cheer them up. A number of things happened that should have cut my fuse, but instead, for some reason, and I know it wasn’t on my own strength, God miraculously helped me not to be irritated. First, my husband has bought basketball shoes like the third time now, and each time, he spends money on shoes that get spoilt the very day he wears them to his first game, including today. And I wondered why he seems to always be drawn to the weak shoes, etc….but, for once, I found myself deciding not to let this bother me. Instead, I was like; “That’s okay.´ well; he said he would try to fix it. I pray his ideas work. I think he really loves this new pair. I really hope it can be fixed and actually lasts longer than our expectations. Everything else that almost made me lose patience are really minor and very negligible. This is me not being irritated.

Otherwise, we had a wonderful day. My hubby’s team lost by 3 points, but it was a great game. I am very proud of him…my dearest dearest Husband! Thank you Jesus for this day.

The Love Dare - Day 4

When I think about the fact that today is only Day 5 of the 40 days, I start to wonder and to hope that my hubby and I, and our married friends will not give up on this challenge but follow through to the very end, so help us, GOD!

Yesterday, while at work, I found myself telling 2 of my colleagues, a lady and gentleman about the Love Dare that we had committed to. The lady seemed very excited and encouraging about it. The gentlemen however, turned and looked at me with something close to surprise on his face and asked; “Do those things work?” Well, I would like to find out if it works. This is why I signed up!

Back home, we kinda got into a discussion with my hubby, after I had shared with him the events of my day. We both realised something profound: The Love Dare isn’t meant to change our spouses or to ‘work’ as most people would like it to. The main purpose of this dare is to change us, the individuals; to teach us to control/ lead our hearts to love.

Contrary to popular opinions that push people to ‘follow your heart’, the love dare asks individuals to lead their hearts. According to the authors, “Following our hearts would be so good if our hearts were always loving, in tune with God and desirous of the right thing. However, since as humans we are self-centered, prideful, and often deceived, following our hearts may not always lead us to do the right thing. Following our hearts means chasing after whatever feels right at the moment. Our emotions and feelings can be deceptive, leading us down the wrong path. Proverbs 16:25 cautions: ‘There’s a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it is the way of death.’”

There! Now you have it! If you want to use this to manipulate your spouse into loving you, stop! Wrong path! Change your heart, attitudes, etc first and all the rest will follow. Like I shared yesterday, my first resolution is to try and go for 40 days straight without allowing my joy and peace to be stolen/ lost of petty issues, no matter what. One day at a time. Devil, back off! I command you, in the Might Name of Jesus Christ, to go right back to hell where you belong!!!

Back to Day 4’s events: love is thoughtful

How precious also are Your thoughts to me… How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. Psalm 139:17-18

Day 4’s dare required us to contact our spouses sometimes during the business of the day, with no agenda other than asking how he or she was doing and if there was anything you could do for them.

Again, we did this, but you see this is what we had been doing every day with my hubby, though sometimes when we fought; it was very hard to even pick up the phone, let alone, dial his number. What struck us, again, was that it wasn’t really about the calling or the kind gesture, but about the fact that we had to be very ‘INTENTIONAL’ about it all. Love is an intentional decision. To love something has nothing to do with the butterflies in your stomach, or the hibijibis, as one of our friends likes to call them. It is an intentional, conscious decision you make, with a conscious mind, to commit to loving someone, irrespective of their response to your love. You chose to love. From the day you chose to love, literally everything you do is intentional.

May God teach us to love right!

The Love Dare - Day 3

Love is not selfish

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor. Romans 12:10

The day's dare was: Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. Its hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today."

So, the positive thing with Day 3 was that I knew exactly what I wanted to get for my husband, and I had actually got it on Day 2 out of excitement, but spent my evening yesterday looking over it just to be sure its in the best condition, wrapped it with a lot of care and love and wrote sweet messages literally all over. I enjoyed doing this. I usually really enjoy wrapping gifts for the people I love.
My husband was very happy to receive his present, and he too gave me a very beautiful pair of earrings that I am actually wearing today:-)

But something comes to my mind... I don't want to finish this 40-days' dare only focusing on the gifts I receive or the sweet things my hubby does for me (keeping a tab on him)....No! But more on what lessons I can get out of this whole thing. Yesterday, while wrapping the gift, I felt like, well.....I always love giving gifts to my husband and leaving him small love notes here and there, and it also felt pretty superficial, coz I know....ah! he will get me something too! There's just no element of surprise in it, if you get what I mean.
But, bottom-line: what is this helping me achieve? At least I have already begun to work on some amazing resolutions for particularly my life. I want to not get angry at all - or rather, to NOT LET THE DEVIL STEAL MY JOY AND PEACE for these next 40 days. No matter what!

The LORD who says He is the I AM, I want to see HIM as my GOD OF PEACE AND JOY this time round. I am asking Him to manifest Himself in my life as the God of peace and joy. And I know He will. HE NEVER FAILS. He says "Ask, and you will receive." "No good thing shall He withhold from those who walk upright before me."
He will not withhold His peace and joy from me. This I believe in Jesus' Mighty Name. Amen!

The Love Dare - Day 2

Like I wrote yesterday, I will be sharing my experiences of this amazing Love dare as my husband and I work hard at making our marriage work, filling it with Love.

Day 2:

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Ephesians 4.32

The dare required us to do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness, in addition to saying nothing negative to each other.

I was surprised at how difficult it was for me to find a kind gesture to do for my husband. You know, I have got into the routines of doing my usual things around the house - cooking, cleaning, nurturing our baby, and my usual wifely duties...nothing out of the ordinary, that when I was required to think of an intentional act of kindness, until 6pm, I hadn't even come up with one!

My husband on the other hand, kept doing all sorts of small gestures which, went unnoticed by me of course, not intentionally, I assure you....hehehe! till he actually started pointing them out at the end of the day, and I was so embarrassed for failing to notice these things.

I wondered: how many times has my husband actually gone out of his way to show me kindness and I failed to notice? It hurts to be kind and only receive complaints from the intended recipient. I am ashamed of myself. You have no idea how many times I have complained of feeling unloved, unappreciated, etc. by my husband. Now I know why: my mind has been closed off to only the things I wanted to see, not actually to what he was doing.

I know there are so many women out there who are guilty of the same...so if you are one of us, we really need to stop and start looking out and appreciating our loved ones for every single gesture of kindness that they have gone out of their ways to show us, not just focus on our preconceived ideas of kindness.

Anyways, I thank God so much for availing opportunities for us to accomplish a lot yesterday in relation to the dare verse. We opened up a lot with the help of wonderful friends in our marrieds group, and were able to forgive each other for past hurts, understand each other more, and am looking forward to us being the best of friends.

NO WEAPON FASHIONED AGAINST US SHALL PROSPER AND NO TONGUE OF THE ENEMY SHALL PREVAIL AGAINST US; IN JESUS' MIGHTY NAME.

AMEN!

I was also, finally, after a hectic day of thinking, thinking and thinking....I was able to find something really kind to do for my husband, and he was grateful. After his long tired day, I gave him a much needed massage!

So, day 2 down! Now, lets get back to day 3. updates will come tomorrow.

Stay blessed!

Living Life the LOVE way

As I drove home from work last evening, a discussion on the radio - Capital FM, to be precise caught my attention. Lucky, one of the presenters was disappointed at how Ugandans have lowered their morality. Her example: In the past, if a guy or woman was hitting on you and you told them you were married, they would apologize and give you space. Today, you tell someone you are married, and they will be like; "I don't want to marry you. I know I cant have all of you, but at least you can give me a little of you on the sides." How awful? Have we become so immoral? Has marriage lost meaning and respect this much?

In my church's marrieds cell group, we, on sunday, started a Love Dare Bible study based on the movie FIREPROOF. This is a 40 days' dare with lots of activities that each of us is supposed to do to learn how to love our spouses and nurture love in our marriages.

According to the introduction:
"The Scriptures say that God designed and created marriage as a good thing. It is a beautiful, priceless gift.  He uses marriage to help us eliminate loneliness, multiply our effectiveness, establish families, raise children, enjoy life, and bless us with relational intimacy. But beyond this, marriage also shows us our need to grow and deal with our own issues and self-centeredness through the help of a lifelong partner." Don't we all long for this?

I want to love and to be loved. We want our marriage to be respected for all its worth. We want to live a life that EXALTS the Name of the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY at all costs. And we shall work hard, INTENTIONALLY to ensure that our marriage doesn't go into those statistics of marriages that have lost meaning.
This is why we signed up for this Love Dare thing, and I promise to share our experiences as much as possible. I pray that God will give both my hubby and I, and the 6 other couples who have signed up for this dare thing the grace to finish all the 40 days unscathed, strong, celebrating, full of praise, and that we shall harvest the fruits of our labor and the Name of the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY will be exalted beyond measure through our marriages. So help us , God!

Day 1:

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2

 

The first part has been easy. All I needed to do was to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to my spouse at all.
There was nothing eventful. We were both very positive all day, which felt kinda superficial, but I liked it. we tried so much not to offend each other, etc. The day went well.
Today is the second day, and I will write its outcomes tomorrow.
Ciao!!