Monday, May 30, 2016

The Love Dare - Days 13&14

Day 13: I was to talk with my hubby about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If he wasn't ready for this, then I was to write out my personal rules to 'fight' by. I was to resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurred. If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.
Day 14: Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on. Just to be together.

My day got messed up right from the start. First of all, my sister-in-law, who was helping me care for my baby while am at work, also happens to be a very desperate attention seeker, which I find so so sooo tiring. Its like...if I did something that doesn't include her, its a problem - she will be moody all day, which, God forbid, might in turn be taken back upon my baby. So, I have always been very careful around her just to ensure my baby is also comfortable, at least until she is old enough to tell me if she is being treated well or not.

Anyways, on Thursday, I notice she was limping like she had a broken leg. Friday, she wasn't. Saturday, she wasn't. But we had agreed with hubby that we would just take her to hospital, anyways, just to be sure she is well. The fight started when my hubby wanted to go alone with the girl, and I told him it wasn't right for him to go alone with her. As matter of fact, I also wanted to come along. I didn't want to be left alone.

Besides, I had left sooooo much work on my desk, saying I wanted to spend all my weekend with my hubby, etc. He had better plans and higher priorities than us.

On Saturday morning, he left to watch a basket ball game, leaving us behind, not even saying goodbye to our baby who was desperately looking forward to a hug or at least a smile. waaa! nothing. It broke my heart.

Then we get ready and I decide to drive the girl to hospital. I gave her her full privacy so she could open up freely to the doctor, and not hide anything. check-ups were done on her, nothing was wrong. Even the crazy desperate limp she had on Thursday was merely from an insect bite! I asked myself - which Ugandan insect bites you till you limp like yo leg is broken????? someone please enlighten me.

Anyways, we get the bill and it was 5,000 shillings more than all the money I had in my life at that moment. I tried to beg the doctors to subsidize for me....nothing! They were beginning to shout at me in the corridors till all the patients could see that I didn't have enough money to pay. I was so so soooo embarrassed. Tried to call my husband just for emotional support, and I expected him to help me think clearly and hopefully we come up with a solution. Instead, he blames me for insisting on taking the girl (- yet I begged him to come with me and he jammed - looked like it was me he didn't want to be in the same car with ....I cant be sure); going to an expensive hospital( - as if he had suggested cheaper options to me beforehand. I mean, this is the hospital we always go to. I couldn't think of any other off the top of my head.) I decided to leave the girl at the hospital and rush to a nearby ATM, which was like 4kms from the hospital. Police stopped me on the way because the road was closed down for some Heads of Governments who were visiting the country....etc. Police shouts down on me like crap. My baby, who was very hungry coz I had only packed for her yoghurt knowing we wouldn't stay for long, burst out crying in the back seat. I was so stressed. I needed my hubby so badly. But thinking about the fact that he had refused to come with me....I felt so lonely and stressed. Anyways, God saw us through. I had to drive back to the hospital and sat in the car so so sooo stressed, not thinking. After like 30 minutes, with baby crying like madness, I begged hubby to send me some money on the mobile money thing. He sent, we paid, and left the place.

Hubby spent almost the whole day away, coming back for like an hour during the day only to go away again, and returned after 11pm....I felt totally neglected.

That evening, after all the stress I had gone through, this same girl decides she didn't want to talk to me. I ask her, no answer. ah! I decided I had had enough. I planned on how to tell my husband to take her home. As it turns out, I didn't even have to tell this to my hubby.

In the morning, she wakes up all shivering.....acting really, coz her actions weren't even consistent with the illness she was trying to fake. I asked her what was wrong again this time.....coz I knew she had finished every single coin I had on me the day before....and had told the doctor that there was nothing wrong with her. She said she wanted to go home. I told her to pack and go. I was tired.

The whole day was messed again. Hubby goes away from 10am till 3pm, leaving me alone with the baby....we were both so tired of each other. I was so frustrated. I just really wanted to be with hubby, but he didn't want to be with me. Whenever I told him how much I really needed him to be there for me emotionally, he just looked at me and didn't give a damn. This hurt. I cried a lot. Anyways, this too shall pass.

I have to get back on track. I need to get a new care giver for my baby. My sister is helping me for this week. I pray God gives me someone who is really grateful for the efforts I put in making them comfortable.

the Love Dare - Days 11 & 12

Day 11, I was supposed to meet any of my hubby's needs for that day. However, I only read the verse which said; "Husbands ought to also love their own wives as their own bodies." Ephesians 5:28. Reading this immediately made me conclude it was only the husbands to do stuff for us. It was only late in the evening, while retiring to bed that I realized it was both of us required to do stuff for each other...hehehe!
Hubby however helped me fold laundry which had been lying in the couch for over 2 weeks. I was glad. I had to apologize to him for my misreading the day's dare.

Day 12: I was supposed to demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between my hubby and I. I was to tell them that I was putting their preferences first.
We had no fights the entire day, so it was one very boring day....nothing to do.


 

The Love Dare - Day 10

So, today is actually day 15!
These last 4-5 days turned out to be some of the most difficult for me. I was also pretty busy at work and at home, which made it very difficult for me to get time to update my blog. Anyways, am here now - lets see if I can get a nice job done here.

Days 10, 11 and 12 weren't that eventful anyways.
On Day 10, I was supposed to do something extra ordinary for my spouse - something that proved to me and to them that my love is based on choice and nothing else.
After a long day of thinking hard, I decided to make his favorite dinner and dessert. However, some members of my household didn't very much love his favorite meal, which would be costly to serve everyone's interest. So I simply resorted to his favorite dessert, which is cake -again, he has become so obsessed with being healthy so I cut that out too, and simply made smoothie with strawberry flavor. He loved this.

The weird thing is that when you look at my hubby, you can see clearly that he is not that interested or excited about the Love Dare anymore, which also killed my interests and excitement.

 

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

The Love Dare - Days 8 & 9

As you may have noticed, the energy seems to be dwindling, not just for my hubby and I but even for the group as a whole. Last week, there was a lot of enthusiasm towards the whole dare; couples gladly shared their daily experiences, etc. This week, everyone is silent.

Personally, on Day 8, I realized the devil was really fighting me tooth and nail this week. The relationship with my hubby, my baby and my baby’s caregiver has been good, so definitely, the devil didn’t see ways of disorganizing that. Then he decides to attack me through one of my juniors at work, a girl that I directly supervise at work. Upto now, I do not understand what exactly entered this girl. She had the worst kind of emotional outbursts, and asking me, on top of many other things, if I wanted her to tell me all her daily programs and movements, including going to the toilet? Yes! As her supervisor – at the closest level to her, as long as she is on company time, any movements out of duty or on duty that consume more than 20 minutes of company time…..I MUST be informed, and that is not negotiable!

Now, where were we? Devil, just so you know,….and let me get this clear with you: My joy does not come from my Husband, my child, my family, my job, or any of those things you are busy attacking…..MY JOY COMES FROM THE LORD JESUS CHRIST! And if you remember very well, This, My LORD JESUS CRHSIT conquered you 2016 years ago at a battle you engaged in at Calvary. Remember that?

Because of that Mighty Victory, I want to assure you that YOU WILL NOT HAVE MY HUSBAND, NOR MY CHILD, NOR ANYTHING AT ALL THAT HAS MY NAME ATTACHED TO IT! AND MOST DEFINITELY, NOT ME!!!!! So, GO BACK TO HELL WHERE YOU BELONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope that this is extremely clear to you! If you, like, I can repeat it over and over, coz I know every single time I write it, you cringe with pain. Should I repeat? Coward!!!!!!!

Back to the Love Dare….Day 8 was: Love is not jealous.

Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire. Song of Solomon 8:6

The day’s dare involved me determining to become my hubby’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help me set my heart on my hubby and focus on his achievements, I was supposed to take the list of negative attributes that I had developed on day 7 and discretely burn it, then share with my hubby how glad I am about a success he recently enjoyed.

To be sincere, I haven’t done any of it yet. I must do it all tonight, including today’s dare.

Its on this day that I had that encounter with the girl at my workplace which stressed me so much that my hubby had to rush back home and take me for aerobics to clear my mind. This really helped. I was able to sweat it out and clear my mind. We enjoyed a very lovely walk back home at around 9.00pm. The moon was bright. It was lovely. We found a woman whose car had fallen in a ditch on our way back, and was stuck. I asked my hubby to help coz I knew that definitely, if anyone could, my hubby was that person. True to my belief, he helped and soon the woman was on her way. We continued with our walk home, holding hands, with my hubby’s basket ball on the other. Lovely memories!

Day 9: Love makes good impressions

Greet one another with a kiss of love. 1 Peter 5:14

I was to think of a specific way I’d like to greet my hubby today, and to do it with a smile and with enthusiasm, then determine to change my greeting to reflect my love for them.

I had planned to jump and hug my hubby as soon as he entered the house, though I wasn’t sure if this enthusiasm would be sustainable…hihi!

Anyways, bottomline, I opened up a whatsapp message with the new list of government ministers to be sworn in, and funny but the first words I said to my husband were, “ Prof Baryamureeba is the new minister for Info Tech and Communications!” and his response; ”Eh! Strategist!” Remember, this same prof was a presidential candidate during the last elections.

Anyways, when I reminded him of the day’s dare, he decided he wanted to carry me up into the bedroom. I weight 85kgs at the moment, 5 kgs heavier than my hubby. I asked him if he would be able to do this every day, and he laughed and changed his mind. So, in the end, we kissed like 3 times. That’s the story of our yesterday.

Today, Day 10, I woke up in a not so happy mood, but I have determined to stay joyful at all times. No one steals my joy and lives to tell the sstory! Even the devil is banished into hell where he belongs. He will not be stealing my joy again.

Ciao!

Monday, May 23, 2016

The Love Dare - Day 7

Day 7: Love believes the best
(Love) believes all things, hopes all things. 1 Corinthians 13:7

The day's dare involved me getting two sheets of papers and spending a few minutes to write down positive things about my hubby on one sheet and negative things on the other sheet.

This was also the day that all the couples were to meet and assess the previous week.
Almost all couples testified of the fact that the last week was special. "We have never spent a whole week without a fight with my spouse!" This was a general comment from all couples. People witnessed their spouses doing wonderful things they had never expected to be done for them. It was a good week.

Personally, my hubby and I realized, like I shared in my earlier posts, that the things we are doing for each other are not necessarily new. In fact, there's nothing new that we have done for each other. We have done most of these things for each other in the past. However, being asked to do it intentionally made it stand out. We realized that in a marriage, its very easy to take life, love and each other for granted. The Love Dare dares us to actually purpose to love our spouses "intentionally" and not wait for activities like these to remind us to love our spouses.
We shared this with our team mates, and it was a consensus agreement.

Other things came out of yesterday's discussions like the kind of friends we maintain/ listen to for our marriage advise.
"Not everyone has the material to be a good friend... In fact, anyone who undermines your marriage does not deserve to be given the title of 'friend'"
"You must guard yourself against the wrong influencers. Everyone has an opinion and some people will encourage you to act selfishly and leave your mate in order to pursue your own happiness. Be careful about listening to advice from people who don't have a good marriage themselves."
 
In Other news, there is this couple who have been married for close to 30 years and have NEVER KISSED!!!! Like how????? One wants and longs so much for a kiss, while the other says; "Every time I want to kiss him, I remember the beans we had for supper and I want to throw up!"
 
We also have people who generally claim that kissing isn't in their cultures. How do they start?
 
See how culture and personalities can affect our marriages.
In the traditional African culture, we don't kiss. We only make babies, and hold each other. Now, with the invasion of the western culture, more and more people go into marriage definitely expecting kisses, and the common PDA (public display of affection)! This is new. Some of us have adjusted, while the rest will take ages.
We are all hoping though that the couple finally kisses before the 40 days elapse. Watch this space!

Saturday, May 21, 2016

The Love Dare - Days 5 & 6

So, day 5 and 6 haven’t really been that eventful especially in relation to the Love Dare.

Day 5: Love is not rude.

He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him. Proverbs 27:14

The day’s dare involved me asking my hubby to tell me three things that caused him to be uncomfortable or irritated with me.

Well, we both shared what made us uncomfortable with each other, and none of it seemed new to us. For example, my husband is uncomfortable with my strong headed nature. I agree that it’s not easy to lead a strong headed woman, and I have since, our wedding, been trying so hard to be easier, even though I feel that if I become so soft and easy, my husband might get bored with me. I’m sure that there’s a bit of that strong-headedness that he fell for. Just hopes!

Anyways, something about yesterday made me realize that some lessons are actually sticking. First, i caught myself almost getting irritated by something really minor, and yeah, am proud to say, I led my heart off that line of thought! Yeeiiiii!!! And then, I also witnessed my husband being patient with me. I was so scared of him losing patience with me at some point, but thankfully, he was like; “No, hani; I am not mad at you. I love you.” He will never know how much his reassurance meant to me, and for me to realize that he was actually taking the ‘patience’ lesson seriously. Thank you Jesus!

Day 6: Love is not irritable.

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. Proverbs 16:32

The day’s dare involved choosing to react to tough circumstances in my marriage in a loving way instead of with irritation.

So, today, we went to watch my husband’s basket ball team play and to cheer them up. A number of things happened that should have cut my fuse, but instead, for some reason, and I know it wasn’t on my own strength, God miraculously helped me not to be irritated. First, my husband has bought basketball shoes like the third time now, and each time, he spends money on shoes that get spoilt the very day he wears them to his first game, including today. And I wondered why he seems to always be drawn to the weak shoes, etc….but, for once, I found myself deciding not to let this bother me. Instead, I was like; “That’s okay.´ well; he said he would try to fix it. I pray his ideas work. I think he really loves this new pair. I really hope it can be fixed and actually lasts longer than our expectations. Everything else that almost made me lose patience are really minor and very negligible. This is me not being irritated.

Otherwise, we had a wonderful day. My hubby’s team lost by 3 points, but it was a great game. I am very proud of him…my dearest dearest Husband! Thank you Jesus for this day.

Friday, May 20, 2016

The Love Dare - Day 4

When I think about the fact that today is only Day 5 of the 40 days, I start to wonder and to hope that my hubby and I, and our married friends will not give up on this challenge but follow through to the very end, so help us, GOD!
Yesterday, while at work, I found myself telling 2 of my colleagues, a lady and gentleman about the Love Dare that we had committed to. The lady seemed very excited and encouraging about it. The gentlemen however, turned and looked at me with something close to surprise on his face and asked; “Do those things work?” Well, I would like to find out if it works. This is why I signed up!
Back home, we kinda got into a discussion with my hubby, after I had shared with him the events of my day. We both realised something profound: The Love Dare isn’t meant to change our spouses or to ‘work’ as most people would like it to. The main purpose of this dare is to change us, the individuals; to teach us to control/ lead our hearts to love.
Contrary to popular opinions that push people to ‘follow your heart’, the love dare asks individuals to lead their hearts. According to the authors, “Following our hearts would be so good if our hearts were always loving, in tune with God and desirous of the right thing. However, since as humans we are self-centered, prideful, and often deceived, following our hearts may not always lead us to do the right thing. Following our hearts means chasing after whatever feels right at the moment. Our emotions and feelings can be deceptive, leading us down the wrong path. Proverbs 16:25 cautions: ‘There’s a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it is the way of death.’”
There! Now you have it! If you want to use this to manipulate your spouse into loving you, stop! Wrong path! Change your heart, attitudes, etc first and all the rest will follow. Like I shared yesterday, my first resolution is to try and go for 40 days straight without allowing my joy and peace to be stolen/ lost of petty issues, no matter what. One day at a time. Devil, back off! I command you, in the Might Name of Jesus Christ, to go right back to hell where you belong!!!
Back to Day 4’s events: love is thoughtful
How precious also are Your thoughts to me… How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. Psalm 139:17-18
Day 4’s dare required us to contact our spouses sometimes during the business of the day, with no agenda other than asking how he or she was doing and if there was anything you could do for them.
Again, we did this, but you see this is what we had been doing every day with my hubby, though sometimes when we fought; it was very hard to even pick up the phone, let alone, dial his number. What struck us, again, was that it wasn’t really about the calling or the kind gesture, but about the fact that we had to be very ‘INTENTIONAL’ about it all. Love is an intentional decision. To love something has nothing to do with the butterflies in your stomach, or the hibijibis, as one of our friends likes to call them. It is an intentional, conscious decision you make, with a conscious mind, to commit to loving someone, irrespective of their response to your love. You chose to love. From the day you chose to love, literally everything you do is intentional.
May God teach us to love right!